Full Moon
by Ich bin ein Schmetterling
Summary: This starts as an alternative ending to New Moon, but continues into an epic saga involving such charactors as Alice Cullen, Harry Potter and Hitler.
1. Chapter 1

"I think," Aro said, quietly, "that our poor little Bella has outstayed her welcome. Besides, I'm getting hungry and I hear her blood is particularly… delicious."

"No," growled Edward, struggling in Felix's strong arms.

My heart skipped a beat and it seemed everything seemed to go into slow motion. Alice screamed and started kicking at Demetri, who was holding her still. I noticed she was aiming for his privates; I always knew that girl was smart. Edward had fallen to the floor in defeat, trembling.

"Take the psychic outside," Aro yells at Demetri over Alice's cries, "Edward can stay and watch…"

He turns to me and smiles his disgusting smirk. I felt sick. Could this be the end? After all that to save Edward, now we're both going to die. I can't help but feel he wasn't really worth it… Aro leaned in towards my neck, closing his scarlet eyes and opening his mouth to reveal razor sharp incisors. I waited for my death to come. 3…2…1-

"STOP!" a voice bellowed from behind us.

"Holy crap!" muttered Aro (rather ironically, I thought), jumping back.

I turned to see a boy roughly the same age as me, with green eyes and untidy black hair…

"Oh good god it's Harry Potter!"

And those were my last words as I heard him shout "Tactical Nuke!" and then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2 Old Friends

Even above the sound of her own tears in Demetri's shoulder, Alice heard the explosion. Demetri let go of her wrists immediately and ran towards the room they had just left. Alice followed closed behind, her tears dying up in her confusion and anticipation. Had Edward somehow managed to escape with Bella?  
She ran in to the room and stopped dead in her tracks. The sight that greeted her was... impossible. The room was empty. Literally. Everything and everyone in it had simply vanished. Even the paint from the walls had gone and been left with an eerie hospital white. Demetri had sunk to the floor next to her, a look of pure horror in his eyes. Why hasn't she been forewarned? Why hadn't she had a vision about this? Or about the explosion?

And then she heard it. The laugh. The laugh that had been etched in to her memories for as long as she could remember. She knew who's laugh that was. Though twisted and warped with power and his growing psychosis, she would never forget who that laugh belonged to. Harry Potter. Her ex boyfriend.

Of course! She should have known! Werewolves and wizards were the only creatures her visions blocked out, and the werewolves were still all the way across the Atlantic Ocean.

"Crap…" she muttered.

His laugh didn't seem to come from anywhere in particular; it echoed of the wall, filling every space with these menacing sniggers.

"I told you I'd be back, Ginny…" he said.


	3. Grenade Launchers Are For Noobs

Demetri looked up at Alice. Could she really be the legendary wife of Harry Potter?

"Harry, what have you done?" she said, her voice quavering.

He ignored her question. "Why don't I come down there and introduce you to my new friends?"

Without giving her a second to answer, Harry materialised in front of them, along with two other people. Well, one other person and a penguin. Well, actually, one zombie Hitler and a penguin.

"I'm the late emperor of Japan, reincarnated," said the penguin, by way of explanation. It then whipped out a knife and killed Demetri. "Commando Pro never fails." It smirked. (Have you ever seen a penguin smirk? Trust me, you don't want to. It's terrifying.)

Alice was scared – it took more than a regular knife to kill a vampire.

"What did you do?" She repeated.

"I used Tactical Nuke. It should have killed me too, of course, but I apparated immediately."

Alice couldn't suppress a laugh. It seemed Harry, along with every other guy on the planet, was obsessed with Call of Duty. But this couldn't be real, could it?

Hitler had also started laughing. This stopped Alice instantly.

"Thanks for helping me get this far, my, er, 'friends'…" he said, and with that he pulled out a grenade launcher. (God knows where he was keeping it…)

"GRENADE LAUNCHERS ARE FOR NOOBS!" yelled Harry, "NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! ONE MORE KILL WITH A SILENCED WEAPON AND I CAN UNLOCK 'My lil Pwny'!"

But it was no use. Hitler didn't seem to care if he was a noob; he pulled the trigger and the grenade hit Harry square in the chest and detonated on contact, killing him and the penguin.

"Double kill."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – It's a good thing they sell glocks in Asda now...

"And now for you," Hitler declared in an ominous whisper, turning to point the grenade launcher at Alice.

"It's a good thing they sell glocks in Asda now," said Alice with a laugh, whipping one out of her pocket and promptly shooting zombie Hitler right where his heart should be.

He stumbled and fell to the floor, but he was a zombie; he would not be dead for long. Alice took her chance and ran for it. She ran and she ran until she found what she was looking for – Ned Flanders' Leftporium.

"How-diddly do to you," he said with a smile, "and how may I be of service today?"  
"I need a left handed spork!" she yelled, and without waiting for an answer, she grabbed one off the shelf in her haste and ran to where she had left Hitler. But there wasn't much time.

She arrived just as he was starting to come round, and, quickly as she could, shaved off his moustache with the spork. She'd done it. She'd destroyed Hitler's soul, thus ending the madness that surrounded her. Or had she?


End file.
